View Full Version : Doggboy for President!
Yes friends, mongers and countrymen! Soon I will formally announce my candidacy for President of the USA! Getting a headstart for the 2012 campaign! I have considered this carefully, and it's not some kneejerk idea I came up with about a half hour ago while nursing a monumental hangover after staying out until 5am drinking copious amounts of whiskey at Hook and Brut.
Why, you may ask, and rightfully so, would Doggboy announce his candidacy on Argentina Private? The reason is that I will be appointing many AP members to my cabinet and also nominating many as my ambassadors around the world. I know you are excited and so am I!
With much thought I have already arrived at decisions about some of the cabinet posts, ambassadorships, and other positions. I will share with you these decisions so that we can all begin the necessary preparations involved in obfuscating the fuck out of our pasts. You will note that many prominent AP members have been left out. This list is preliminary and will be added to in the next few days and weeks. If you have recommendations, complaints, etc, feel free to post them here or PM me.
White House Press Secretary-Exon123. A no-brainer! Who better to deal with the media cocksuckers than Exon?
Vice President-Rock Harders. Another easy choice. Intelligent, articulate and sufficiently handsome to make up for my increasingly dissipated appearance.
Attorney General-Thomaso276. Honest, balanced, experienced, and knows how to use a Taser.
Secretary of State-Bacchus9. Knowledgeable about foreign "affairs", smart as a whip and a smooth operator. Sartorially resplendent as well.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs-Jackpot. I can't remember if Jackpot is a veteran or not, but he is an irritable, cantankerous old fucker and will get the VA budget under control.
Secretary of Commerce-Cigar Eric. CE has a wealth of experience in the business community, will be an impartial manager, and not a whoare to the hypercapitalistic scum currently running amuck like monied chickens with their heads cut off, or mangy dogs heading full blast for the crick after having their dirty asses painted with hot mustard.
Under consideration:
Secretary of Labor-WorldTravel69.
Secretary of Health and Human Resources-Tejano Libre or El Alamo.
Secretary of Homeland Security-Wild Walleye.
There are other cabinet positions to fill.
I am also considering some AP mongers for ambassadorships:
Punter127-Philippines. Another obvious choice. Should Punter want to return to the states I'll see what I can do about getting him a position as Dolly Parton's "boy toy".
Sidney-Dominican Republic. This appointment will only be made if Sid agrees never to return to the states after he takes his post in the DR. If he is discovered back in the states he will be forced to live in a very small, heavily African-American town in the Deep South where he will be employed as a short order cook in a dilapidated roadhouse jukejoint.
Trampa / Redondo. Soon after taking office I will reestablish diplomatic relations with North Korea. Trampa will be appointed ambassador to North Korea immediately. He will be sent forthwith to Pyongyang. Immediately upon Trampa's arrival in Pyongyang I will nuke the fucking snot out of them.
Julio will be appointed ambassador to Hook.
I look forward to your feedback and God bless.
Jaimito Cartero-Dept. Of Transportation.
Stan da Man-Ambassador to Madahos.
Sportsman-Ambassador to privados in Buenos Aires. Sportsman's duties will be much like those of the Secretary of State, though with a narrow focus on Privados, working girl health issues, inflation issues, monitoring condom complaints and the like. Think of him as sort of an anti Hillary Clinton.
Tequiler Tim-Ambassador to Paraguay.
Chanelle-a special position will be created for Chanelle and it won't have anything to do with putting her legs behind her head. Chanelle will act as a liasion between the White House and independent working girls in Buenos Aires. She will work closely with Sportsman which should put even more lead in Sportsman's ever ready pencil.
Gauntlet77-Another special position. The talented and never self-aggrandizing Mr. Gauntlet will be responsible for providing the White House staff with weed whenever they make a trip to Buenos Aires. He will also be responsible for improving the deplorable state of the argentine marijuana business.
Doggboy.
I appreciate the nomination for Secretary of Health and human Resources with Tejano Libre. I assume this is because Tejano Libre and myself (along with Rock Harders) are knowledgeable in the field of bareback sex.
My question is: Where is Jackson? I would think Chairman of the Federal Reserve or Secretary of the Treasury.
I assume there will be no background checks. If there are, I'm out of here
Julio will be appointed ambassador to Hook.
Yesss!
And I'll attend my affairs in the lascivious back room, with hot Gisella as my secretary sitting on my knees!
Doggyboy.
I appreciate th nomination for Secretary of Health and human Resources with Tejano Libre. I assume this is because Tejano Libre and myself (along with Rock Harders) are knowledgeable in the field of bareback sex.
My question is: Where is Jackson? I would think Chairman of the Federal Reserve or Secretary of the Treasury.
I assume there will be no background checks. If there are, I'm out of hereYou are reading my mind El Alamo! Yes, proponents of bareback sex have a trouser-less leg up regarding being nominated. There will however be some rubbered enthusiasts chosen as I want to have people in my administration from both sides of the aisle.
There will be no background checks regarding ethics, morality, etc. With the exception that religious zealot applicants will not only be rejected, they will face harassment for the indefinite future.
Regarding Jackson's future in my administration. I have yet to decide. Jackson's abilities are such that he will be an asset in nearly any position. I am wavering between a position in finance or some sort of special law enforcement assignment. In fact, I have been musing about designating Jackson as "Sheriff of the USA" (sheriff to be pronounced sher-IFF with the accent on the second syllable-like Omar Sharif). An exalted, yet to some degree ceremonial position. As I see it Jackson would travel about the country monitoring the oft criticized FBI as well as local law enforcement, and reporting back to me his findings. I believe his libertarian stance would serve he and the country well. I see Jackson traveling about the country in a 1972 El Dorado convertible outfitted with a pair of longhorns where the hood ornament would ordinarily be found. He will be ably "assisted" by his traveling partner, some blonde, long legged, big titted piece of work. I can see Jackson now stopping on some deserted dirt road in Oklahoma and bending his assistant over the hood whilst she holds on to the longhorns for dear life.
There remains much work to be done. I am giving this much thought as you can see. I am slowing down now though and I believe it might be time for a shot or two of Gentleman Jack and some hash oil. I'll be back.
One more thing about Jackson's position as Sher-IFF Jackson. I admit it is a little perverse of me, but Jackson will be required to sport a Stetson "Open Road" model hat, silver belly in color.
Here then are Jackson's accoutrements:
How come Jackson gets all the good perks?
How come Jackson gets all the good perks?Jackson's not going to be happy he got skipped over for the Treasury job. He and I don't see eye to eye on taxation issues. So, I'm pouring it on extra thick for him to assuage his pain.
And YOU are complaining! A half year in Floripa with your Brazilian dewdrop!
A chicken in every pot and some pot in every porro!
Tequila Tim
01-12-11, 23:25
President Doggboy,
I hereby recommend Nine-Toe Moe for the Director of Management and Budget. With Moe watching our bottom line, the budget deficit will quickly become a distant memory!
Ambassador Tequiler Tim
President Doggboy,
I hereby recommend Nine-Toe Moe for the Director of Management and Budget. With Moe watching our bottom line, the budget deficit will quickly become a distant memory!
Ambassador Tequiler TimAmbassador Tequiler, your recommendations are always welcome! 9TM will be actively considered for the Director's position at OMB. There are some concerns however as I don't want OMB staff to be required to pay an exorbitant fee to drink warm water from the water "coolers", or to reimburse 9TM out of their own pockets for his lunches when he visits Sardi's in New York City. In addition, last I heard, 9TM was in some sort of anguished battle with a flock of hens on a bedraggled lorry somewhere outside Lahore.
Even with his obvious eccentric faults he will be considered though. He is very talented in his own perverse way.
BTW, I am very pleased that you have seen fit to refer to me as "President Doggboy"! I don't see much sense in awaiting the nomination process and silly election thing. Should you continue to pledge your "allegiance", I will promise you a lifetime supply of french lingerie to outfit your paraguayan beauties, and a personal wine cellar in Buenos Aires, situated just to the left of the men's bathroom door at Madeleine's.
Salutations!
Wild Walleye
01-13-11, 17:07
Secretary of Homeland Security-Wild Walleye.Thanks. I plan to be deeply involved in every aspect of the position. In fact, I'll be doing some of the enhanced pat-downs, personally. Cavity searches will be way up, under me.
Thanks. I plan to be deeply involved in every aspect of the position. In fact, I'll be doing some of the enhanced pat-downs, personally. Cavity searches will be way up, under me.Hands on! I knew I could count on you! I'll be in touch about the possibility of changing the current profiling criteria to include "brick shithouses" and "out and out sluts".
Wild Walleye
01-14-11, 17:52
Hands on! I knew I could count on you! I'll be in touch about the possibility of changing the current profiling criteria to include "brick shithouses" and "out and out sluts".It has come to my attention that our greatest current threat is likely buxom blonds, disillusioned with the new congress and their plans to scale back Obamacare, which would have provided them with a life-time supply of govt-paid-for hydrogen peroxide and breast augmentations.
Therefore, all hot, stacked blonds will need to go through enhanced pat-downs and feel-ups.
Wild Walleye
01-22-11, 03:29
Why is that when I show up, everybody runs?
Dogboy, as BAICOKA, can I deliver indiscriminate beatings (ala roving sharia gangs) to those not falling inline with our dress code (I. E. Slutty, less-is-more)?
Why is that when I show up, everybody runs?
Dogboy, as BAICOKA, can I deliver indiscriminate beatings (ala roving sharia gangs) to those not falling inline with our dress code (I. E. Slutty, less-is-more)? Give me a week on that. I am currently sampling various airports in the USA as I travel about taking the pulse of my future constituency.
With much thought I have already arrived at decisions about some of the cabinet posts, ambassadorships, and other positions. I will share with you these decisions so that we can all begin the necessary preparations involved in obfuscating the fuck out of our pasts. You will note that many prominent AP members have been left out. This list is preliminary and will be added to in the next few days and weeks. If you have recommendations, complaints, etc, feel free to post them here or PM me.
Secretary of State-Bacchus9. Knowledgeable about foreign "affairs", smart as a whip and a smooth operator. Sartorially resplendent as well.
I look forward to your feedback and God bless. Thanks for your confidence by placing this unimaginable honor (millstone around my neck) as your Secretary of State. Having been appointed should you be elected I will serve with dedication in carrying out your policies in bars, brothels, massage parlors and carnal dens around the world. Currently of course I am working daily to firm up relations on the important planks you've yet to lay down in Southeast Asia and with considerable success as their ancient phallus rituals and absence of christianity have kept them from falling prey to western concerns of morality as well as sleazy exploitation by the media. It's touch and go on a daily basis but usually I touch and then we go and all's well in the end. But I digress. Congratulations on announcing your presidential bid and good luck in turning your wisdom into reality in our time.
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