Guys.
I never watch any tv so I spend a lot of time online. I usually come across a few personal ads per day on ********** that are pretty outrageous. I'll post them in this thread. Delete this if you think it is a bad idea.
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Guys.
I never watch any tv so I spend a lot of time online. I usually come across a few personal ads per day on ********** that are pretty outrageous. I'll post them in this thread. Delete this if you think it is a bad idea.
You got 2-3 exgirlfriends, I got 2-3 ex boyfriends. Doi! WE THROW AN EX-PARTY!
RULES: Since I'm so fucking hot tall slim and sexy, I need everyone else to be also. Incl. Photo with reply or don't bother.
Me? Jewish, 5'7, 125 thick brunette hair big hazel eyes and a hard body. I'm a high-maintenance pain in the ass, sexy as fuck and and have a mind sharp like a whip. That means I got X-ray vision when it comes to bullshit.
My ex boyfriend looks like JFK Jr but much hotter. Pic for Pic.
The best part of this one is her idea of a date. Come over, play songs for her, play with dogs, then ride motorcycles.
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I am starting a new job in Lincolnwood in a week or so, and am looking for a cute guy to hang with sometimes, preferably near there, or between there and Wheeling area. I am picky, because I am still young enough to be. I regularly pass for 20 years old. Your build, personality and interests are more important than your face. I have very good biological and practical reasons for all of my preferences in guys. I say this because I have a lot of preferences:) I'll admit, I like long hair.
*** bonus points if you play an instrument ***
You:
Blue-eyed.
Funny.
Cute.
Age 18 - 33ish.
5'11' - 6'4''
Weight: 190 - 220ish.
Work out 2-4 times a week, but not obsessively.
**secure enough to handle things if it gets physical OR does not**
Laid-back.
Not afraid to embarass yourself for a laugh.
I tend to get along very well with musicians, attorneys, baseball players, bouncers / security, and people who make other people laugh a lot.
No redheads.
No shaved heads.
No extremely short hair.
No hermits.
No dreadlocks.
No alcoholics please.
No "quiet" guys.
No jealous guys - I mean that if we're friends and go to a bar, if you see a girl you like, you should talk to her, give her your number (but don't abandon me) If I see a guy, you can't freak out if I talk to him, or that will be the last time that WE talk. That's what I do. My profession and hobbies demand that I meet people.
I am 5'3'' 112
Body that makes most chicks sneer with jealousy -- I've seen them sneer.
Long brown hair, brown eyes.
Ass that makes J-Lo's ass look like a Buick.
Mildly offensive sense of humor.
I prefer music over tv. Metal and jazz-influenced over radio rock and yuppie crap, bars over dance clubs.
I like to go out, but have no problem staying in on a Friday or Saturday.
I don't really like romantic comedies.
In high school, I was kinda nerdy, wore black (not goth) and made fun of cheerleaders. The popular girls liked me be / c I didn't give a damn if they liked me.
I laugh at women who wear 4-inch heels to the bar.
I have been called feisty, hot, and recently, "madame sarcasm"
I prefer hanging out in groups to hanging out with just a dude. They tend to think it's a date when it's not. If I want to hang out with you alone you will defeinitely know it.
I am not bitter, but I am cynical.
I enjoy saying things for entertainment value.
I have no allergies (I like cats / dogs and they generally like me)
I am a photographer and an attorney.
Ideally, I would come over, and your friends would come over with their instruments, and we would all jam and then watch DVDs, and play with dogs, and ride motorcycles. We might go to a bar and make everyone there jealous because our goup would clearly be having the most fun. We would go to concerts as a group.
I have not attached a pic, because when I do all the responses I get are from guys in their 40s and 50s, which is *NOT* my bag. If you like latinas, you will NOT be disappointed, I promise. If I like your pic, you will get mine. This could go very far, or nowhere. You have to be able to handle both.
Well, it's Friday and I will probably go to bed after the Simpsons. This is because I stayed out until 4:30 Wednesday night riding motorcycles. Any night of the week is a good night to hang, I say.
In the next month I will get a guitar, probably Fender, and an amp. Comments? Hit me up.
I am a good friend and fun as hell to hang with.
In general I hate American women.
Wow, run the other way, everything I cannot stand in a woman.
She is the one who is always looking for the BBD. (the bigger, better'
Deal) stay away. I would love to be able to give her a piece of.
My mind. This is the kind of woman who is never ever satisfied.
With anything or anyone. She is never happy, like a small child with.
A toy, after a while she get bored.
STAY AWAY, GOOD RIDDENCE
I have de-coded the ad from the post: the second line is factual.
I am 5'3'' 112
I am 3'5" 211
Body that makes most chicks sneer with jealousy -- I've seen them sneer.
Body that makes most chicks sneeze with allergy.
Long brown hair, brown eyes.
One brown hair, one brown eye.
Ass that makes J-Lo's ass look like a Buick.
Ass that looks like an Oldsmobile.
Mildly offensive sense of humor.
Offensive scent of body odor.
I prefer music over tv. Metal and jazz-influenced over radio rock and yuppie crap, bars over dance clubs.
I have no TV - you can buy me one. I am an alcoholic.
I like to go out, but have no problem staying in on a Friday or Saturday.
If you don't buy me dinner at a restaurant, bring me take home meals.
I don't really like romantic comedies.
I always pick the movie to watch.
In high school, I was kinda nerdy, wore black (not goth) and made fun of cheerleaders. The popular girls liked me be / c I didn't give a damn if they liked me.
After Columbine, they expelled me from school to prevent another tragedy.
I laugh at women who wear 4-inch heels to the bar.
I have to wear a 4 inch on one foot and 2 inch on the other to keep my balance.
I have been called feisty, hot, and recently, "madame sarcasm"
Those prison guards can be so rude.
I prefer hanging out in groups to hanging out with just a dude. They tend to think it's a date when it's not. If I want to hang out with you alone you will defeinitely know it.
I can get lost in the herd and sit next to the pretty girls.
I am not bitter, but I am cynical.
Paranoid Schizcho.
I enjoy saying things for entertainment value.
I like to yell "fire" in crowded theaters.
I have no allergies (I like cats / dogs and they generally like me)
Have experimented with beastiality.
I am a photographer and an attorney.
Blackmail specialist
I'm 39 years old, caucasian, intelligent, professional. I'm also very overweight (5'4 and 250lbs) I've lost about 25 lbs in the past 2 months. I wanted to wait until I lost more pounds before trying the dating scene, but my friends keep encouraging me to post an ad.
I'm looking to find a true friend, as well as a man to date, someone who is open and caring, and not into macho posturing. I enjoy the theater, museums, movies, long drives to nowhere just to see the sights, zoos, Lyric, Ravinia, dining out, and just sitting around in the evening watching videos.
I'm not into chubby chasers, I'd like to meet someone who answered this ad because we share common interests, and who puts what's inside ahead of physical appearance.
I wanna have some fun, move my body all nite long hahahaha can you name that tune? My idea of a good.
Time = Shopping. Lets go! I am a very senusal person just out for a good.
Time. I am new to chicago and so trying out the cl thing. My hobbies:
Sunbathing, wine, sex, orgies, ShoppinG and golf. Haha kidding about the.
Orgies. Anyways I enjoy going out, fine dining, movies, theater, etc.
I like to be pampered and spoiled and I won't settle for anything less.
As any princess should not. Well I'm off to michigan ave! See you.
There! (ps be sure to include a picture in your email!
Ok here's the deal. I'm [b]51[/b] divorced....no children...smoke (both cigs and 420 bad I know) and I want a fun guy to hang out with...more than that... a great friend and lover. Not looking for short term...I want long term and am willing to invest time to see if you are the one. I love sex but am not going to drop my drawers like that...I have to get to know you..see what you're about...you have to get in my head before you can get in my bed...if you haven't learned that by now you do not know women! I want a companion someone to share life with ...I'm alittle shy for committment but once I make my mind up that's it...I want to be swept off my feet...I love romance and passion...I want to feel totally intoxicated by the sexual tension between us...[b]ok maybe I'm asking for it all but dang it I want it all...I know exactly what I want and 'am perfectly willing to take the time to find it. [/b]I am very attractive, blonde, blue eyes, weight/height proportionate, sexy, fun, silly...can be serious but like to use humour as much as possible...life is too short for bs...[b]I cut to the chase pretty quickly and I can be very sassy and I won't take your crap[/b]. I also can be sweet as pie. That's my soft side that I don't show to many. I'm social and enjoy being out and about but also comfy on the sofa lying next to you watching a movie. Comedy, romance or mystery. I love music mostly are & be and I would absolutely love it if you dance too. Men don't realize what a turn on this is. It's a sexual mating call in case ya didn't know lol. Just letting loose. I can cook but prefer you do I will be more than happy to help you prep, clean up, etc. Please be outgoing and in charge. I love a man with a plan. No shy wallflowers for me. I am a strong women and am attracted to strong men. Just want to find one who can deal with me. Who can let me be me and accept me as I am. I am a good women. One you can take home to your mother. Classy lady. No one would ever believe the 420 part I look very straight lol. Please be happy with your life have no regrets and enjoy every single minute on earth. If that's you and you like what you hear give me a shot otherwise thanks for reading and good luck with your search!
I moved here recently and have been displaced due to unfortunate circumstances (beginning with intolerance due to known religious differences from my ex) LEADING to being deceived and mistreated / abused by a bad person. Although I have begun taking care of things legally and made the decision to leave despite really having no foundation here in Chicago, I am in a bind as to where to go and with no financial means immediately; the government gives protection but pennies for domestic victims which is sad as no resources are why they often stay. Yet, I chose to leave to keep my dignity and respect.
However, I am going to lose all my belongings if I don't come up with the money to move them out of the bad guys storage unit. THis is where you might come in.
On the brighter note, I am a very good girl. I am just temporarily in a bad situation, but please do not take this as I need ongoing help. I am willing to work legitimately for you to pay you back every penny. I can send you my resume if youd like.
Please do not write me with anything sexual--I am not up for it now.
This seriously is an emergency. I am seeking assistance from a generous gentleman if you exist. I was raised in a religious home, whereby my family truly selflessly helped those in need. I know these people are few today and probably very numbered on ********** but I am hoping YOU are out there.
Through this, I could also use a friend. I am highly educated, very pretty, in great shape, extremely slender, beyond fun to be around, sophisticated and classy, and have a very outgoing and warm personality accompanied by a huge heart. Write me if you have any ideas.
Thanks:)
That's where you "might" come in. More like, that's where you will come in since my family is not going to help me cuz they think I'm nuts! You pay for my storage expenses, help me move my stuff, get labeled a nice guy, and I'll I'll be sure to leave you when I get my shit together. Marak, Is this shit for real? Sad thing, there's probably some poor sap who will reply to her.
She needs to lose her dignity since it was lost when she wrote the ad, and hit Broadway street in anytown USA for a couple of nights. God knows your in tough situation and will forgive you.
Judd
[QUOTE=Judd]That's where you "might" come in. More like, that's where you will come in since my family is not going to help me cuz they think I'm nuts! You pay for my storage expenses, help me move my stuff, get labeled a nice guy, and I'll be sure to leave you when I get my shit together. Marak, Is this shit for real? Sad thing, there's probably some poor sap who will reply to her.
She needs to lose her dignity since it was lost when she wrote the ad, and hit Broadway street in anytown USA for a couple of nights. God knows your in tough situation and will forgive you.
Judd[/QUOTE]Judd.
These are all real. I just looked now and here's another one.
I am a young woman with a job in social justice that I love, feel passionately about, and am deeply committed to. In order to become financially stable - allowing me to continue to progress in my current position, doing meaningful, substantive, important work - I am seeking assistance in paying off my debt.
It is my hope that I can I find someone who sees assisting me with this, and making this investment in me, as an investment in social justice and a better world.
I assure you my debt is in mint condition. I acquired this debt through a series of unfortunate and unavoidable circumstances - not by living frivolously and naively - and have been making regular payments consistently, but in doing so I am barely making it from paycheck to paycheck.
Buy my debt and make an investment in social justice by allowing me to continue in my work, rather then seeking a more lucrative, but significantly less rewarding job.
The return on your investment: a better world. Additionally, my eternal gratitude and admiration, and a friend.
I think these types are some of the best ones. She admits to being overweight, yet has quite a long list of demands for a man that she's interested in dating.
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I am 33 year old married white woman who is not getting all she needs at home. I'm looking for someone who can stimulate my mind and my body and who will expect nothing less from me.
If you are a size snob, move on. I detest the term BBW and think the word "fat" is just plain derogatory. I'm plus sized, full-figured, voluptuous, curvy – whatever culture wants to call it – but not in a scary, morbidly obese kind of way. I actually do have a figure! I am still very pretty, sexy, wear nice clothes, take care of myself (believe it or not, I don't eat McDonalds every day – or ever, for that matter – and do rather enjoy most vegetables. And I do know how to and actually do use an elliptical machine) I just happen to be the by-product of bad DNA.
If you are looking for a pity-fuck, a one-night stand, or any derivative thereof – you've come to the wrong place. If I were looking for any of that, I wouldn't have to resort to posting here. I know plenty of guys who are more than willing to hop in the sack for an hour or two. Yes, I want sex – creative, breathless, mind-blowing sex. But I also want to like the person I'm sharing that experience with. I am looking for something that will be somewhat long-term and exclusive. And sex is really only part of it for me – I want someone who will respect me as the intelligent, goofy, spontaneous, classy woman I am. Someone who knows what romance really is.
If you are shorter than 5'10, I'm sorry, but I do have some physical requirements. I stand 5'9" and would prefer someone taller than myself. As for your waistline – I really don't care too much. I probably am more adverse to super-skinny guys than to those with a spare tire. I prefer a clean-shaven face – but don't care so much if the rest of you has hair or not -- just let it not be too long. Even bald can be beautiful as can a full head of gray hair. Good complexion too (and I'm only attracted to Caucasian men) A great smile (with all your teeth) and fresh-smelling breath (strongly prefer non-smokers) If the average American woman, would find you handsome, then I probably will too. Oh – and no communicable diseases of any kind (sexually derived or otherwise) I'm clean and want to keep it that way. My only other physical requirement – that you were actually born a man!
If you are younger than 34, I am too old for you. I truly believe men that older men is where it's at. But 45 would be my upper limit. Though I could be convinced otherwise.
If you are single, I may or may not be interested. I think only another married man would understand the need for absolute discretion and that I am not going to leave my family any time soon. This affair is not going to be an excuse to break up my or anyone else's relationship.
If you are less than average intelligence, you may not understand me half the time. I have two graduate level degrees; however, I am not nerdy or bookish. I can carry on a conversation about most topics from the corny to the controversial. I do work full time but primarily from home – which can have its benefits.
If you live in the suburbs, be prepared to travel. I live in Lincoln Park and any extramarital activities will need to occur in the city limits. I am generally available during the day and possibly on an evening or even a weekend day.
If you are a stalker, picture-collector, gigolo (compensated or otherwise) murderer, ex-con, etc, etc. There are plenty of other ads on here for you. Please leave mine alone.
I do have a picture (or two or three) that I am willing to share once I get a sense you are someone I can trust. If you want to share your picture with me, that's great. But please, no penis pictures. I really don't care to know what that looks like right now. Besides, I'm more impressed with what you can do with it, than what it looks like.
If you made it all the way here to the bottom and have cracked a smile once or twice, please drop me a line.
LOL these are too funny. Here's one with kid[b]s[/b], who plans to hang up on you and wants you to call her back.
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Since it seems that all you men want to see a pic and not read the ad that goes with it here you go. If you want to chat, email me. But know this I do have kids so if you dont like that move on now. This is what I want
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, [b]who calls you back when you hang up on him[/b], who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,". That's her."