"Oral Roberts"
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"Oral Roberts"
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
More fag jokes:
Q: Two fags are having sex on the beach and they get struck by lightning. Which one gets to heaven first?
A: The one on the bottom; his shit's already packed.
Q: What's the definition of a queer in Texas?
A: Anybody who likes girls better than football.
Q: How can you tell if your best friend is gay?
A: His dick tastes like shit.
Agree, the 2 Bushes have created the worst ever environment so why could we not have Hilary to sort it out? Have to do some promotion, ISOLA2000 IS THE CLOSEST SKI AREA TO NICE AIRPORT. It is my home in Europe since a no of years. Now is the start of a new ski season. Visit here or to AURON.
Skip straight.
The Editors: We'll take three cards.
Dick Cheney: Give me one.
Sounds of cards being placed down, dealt, retrieved, and rearranged in hand. Non-committal noises, puffing of cigars.
TE: Fifty bucks.
DC: I'm in. Show 'em.
TE: Two pair, sevens and fives.
DC: Not good enough.
TE: What do you have?
DC: Better than that, that's for sure. Pay up.
TE: Can you show us your cards?
DC: Sure. One of them's a six.
TE: You need to show all your cards. That's the way the game is played.
Colin Powell: Ladies and gentlemen. We have accumulated overwhelming evidence that Mr. Cheney's poker hand is far, far better than two pair. Note this satellite photo, taken three minutes ago when The Editors went to get more chips. In it we clearly see the back sides of five playing cards, arranged in a poker hand. Defector reports have assured us that Mr. Cheney's hand was already well advanced at this stage. Later, Mr. Cheney drew only one card. Why only one.
Card? Would a man without a strong hand choose only one card? We are absolutely convinced that Mr. Cheney has at least a full house.
Tim Russert: Wow. Colin Powell really hit a homerun for the Administration right there. A very powerful performance. My dad played a lot of poker in World War 2, and he taught me many things about life. Read my book.
TE: He's extremely good at Power Point. But we would like to see the cards, or else we can't really be sure he has anything to beat two pair. We don't think he would lie to us, but. Well, it is a very rich pot.
Jonah Goldberg: Liberal critics of Mr. Cheney's poker hand contend that "he doesn't have anything". Oh, really, liberal critics? Cheney has already showed them the six of clubs, and yet these liberals persist in saying he has "nothing". Why do liberals consider the six of clubs to be "nothing"? Is it because the six of clubs is black?
Matt Drudge: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
The Drudge Report has learned that Dick Cheney has a royal flush, hearts. Developing.
TE: Perhaps if you could just show us a subset of your cards which beat 2 pair? Or tell us exactly what your hand is?
DC: We will show you our cards after we have collected the pot. It is important that things be done in this order, otherwise the foundation of our entire poker game will be destroyed.
TE: We aren't sure.
DC: Very good. And here are my cards. A straight flush.
Judith Miller: Dick Cheney has revealed a straight flush, confirming his pre-collection claims about beating two pair.
TE: Those cards are of different suits. It's not a flush.
Mark Steyn: When will it end? Now liberal critics complain that Dick Cheney's cards are not all the same suit. Naturally, these are the same liberals who are always whining about a lack of diversity in higher education. It seems like segregation is OK with these liberals, as long as it damages Republicans.
MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
A witness has come forward claiming that The Editors engage in racial profiling in blog-linking. Developing.
TE: Wait! It's not even a straight! You've got a eight and ten of hearts, a six of clubs, and the seven and five of diamonds. You have a ten high. That's nothing.
Sean Hannity: Well, well, well. In another sign of liberal desperation, liberals now complain that a ten high is "nothing". Does ten equal zero in liberal mathematics? That would explain a lot.
Robert Novak: It's a perfectly valid poker hand. Apparently, liberals have never heard of a "skip straight". It's a kind of straight, just with one card missing. But if you skip around the missing nine, it's a straight.
Alan Colmes: Mother says I mustn't play poker.
TE: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".
Brit Hume: It seems like some people are still playing poker like it's September 10th. Back then, you needed to have all your cards in order to claim a straight. But, as we learned on that day, sometimes you won't have perfect knowledge. Sometimes you have to learn to connect the dots, and see the patterns which are not visible to superficial analysis of the type favored by the CIA and the State.
Department. Dick Cheney's skip straight is a winning poker hand for the post-9/11 world.
Rush Limbaugh: Do The Editors have two pairs, or a pair of twos? First they say one thing, then another. What are they hiding?
Andrew Sullivan: Dick Cheney never said he had a straight. He was very careful about this. His cards can form many different hands. None of these hands alone can beat a pair of twos; but, taken together, the combination of all possible hands presents a more compelling case for taking the pot than simply screaming "Pair of twos! Pair of twos!" as unprincipled liberal critics of the Vice President so often do.
MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
*****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
Did The Editors claim to have "a pair of Jews"? Are they anti-Semites as well as racists? Developing.
Zell Miller: As a lifelong liberal Democrat, I believe Dick Cheney, and I hate liberals and Democrats.
William Safire: Why are liberals so obsessed by Dick Cheney's poker hand? The pot has been taken, the deal is done. If liberals are upset that we are no longer playing by the Marquis of Queensbury patty-cake poker rules, they clearly lack the stomach to play poker in the post-September 11th environment. And why do they never complain about Saddam Hussein's poker playing, which was a thousand times worse?
Christopher Hitchens: The Left won't be happy until the pot is divided up equally between Yassar Arafat, Osama bin Laden, and Hitler. Orwell would have seen this.
Ann Coulter: Why do liberals object so strenuously to the idea of conservatives having a "straight"? Perhaps because it doesn't fit in with the radical homosexual / Islamist agenda they hold so dear?
Report of the Bipartisan Commission on Poker Hands: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".
DC: I have access to poker rules that the Commission doesn't, and so I know for a fact that the cards in my hand are all intimately connected.
George W. Bush: Dick Cheney is telling the truth. I'm a nice man who would drink a beer with you.
Vladimir Putin: I dealt Dick Cheney three aces and two kings.
DC: My deal.
I have heard that the campaign rallying cry in the Obama inner circle is "KILL WHITEY!" But, I also heard that they were planning to off Lumpy and Eddie Haskell as well. Ha Ha Ha!
A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in New York. As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D' was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and said, 'Sir, there is a one hour wait. And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, If you please.'
Intrigued, the man said, 'OK.'
The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked, 'Sir, what is your IQ?'
The man answered, 'Oh, about 164.' The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, Interstellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc.
The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, But thought he would try a different tack.
The robot again asked, 'What is your IQ, sir?' This time the man answered, 'Oh, about 100'.
So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest football scores, who was going to win the Super Bowl and what to expect the Yankees or Red Sox to do this season.
The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.
Again the robot asked the question, 'What is your IQ?'
This time the man answered, ' Oh. About 50.'
The robot clicked, clicked again, then leaned close and very slowly asked, 'A-r-e-y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o e-l-e-c-t O-b-a-m-a?
Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money." I laughed.
Once in the restaurant my server had on a "Obama 08" tie, again I laughed as he had given away his political preference--just imagine the coincidence.
When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need--the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from my sight.
I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside as I've decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.
At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn even though the actual recipient deserved money more.
I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application. OR IS IT REDISTRIBUTION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S WEALTH IS A GREAT IDEA!
This stock market crisis is worse than any divorce.
I have lost half my net worth and still have my wife!
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by.
Almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls.
That could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have.
Never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old.
Lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular.
Numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the.
Numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde.
Stepped out.
The father then said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."
Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.'
His wife is lying in bed and replies: 'I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot.'
The man says: 'I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you.'