My lucks so bad if it was raining tits I would get hit with a cock.
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My lucks so bad if it was raining tits I would get hit with a cock.
With St Pat's just around the bend I thought it was time for some Irish fun. This one is supposed to have been voted Best Joke in Ireland.
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night' She said, 'Aye, did ye now? And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull Him by the ears to make him come.'
There's three things you forgot to complete your list Sid:
1-. If you think you can't stand peeing in a tree: fagget.
2-. You prefer salads, light food and crappy food like that: wussy. BTW King Henry the VIII used to say that real men food consisted of meat and good ol' ale!
3-. You are concerned about farting in front of your chick, cause you might hurt her feelings or she could think you are a lowlife scumbag: Faggot.
BTW do you guys know when it's time for a man to wash his underwear?
Check inside your underwear, if there's a penis, it's not time yet!
This crap ain't funny.
Your gay jokes were much better Sidney.
Regards,
BM
[QUOTE=BadMan]This crap ain't funny.
Your gay jokes were much better Sidney.
Regards,
BM[/QUOTE]I agree.
It wasn't funny, it was sad.
Sad but true.
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A Redneck from Alabama walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked 20 feet away on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?' The Alabama Redneck replied, 'Where else in New York City, can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
His name was. BUBBA.
A young man moved into a new flat of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the flat next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on the poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; They are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered. "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming. That was me."
Have Fun Or Fuck Off!
Kisses, Roxanne.;)
Tips to help with the credit crunch.
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite.
Tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another.
Song you like and hum that instead.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your.
Identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with.
Your old bank statements.
HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply.
Moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In.
The morning, simply move it all back again.
SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply.
Changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,
DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to.
The object you wish to view.
AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an.
Inexpensive vibrator.
MANCHESTER UNITED FANS can save money on expensive new kits by simply.
Strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all,
As to your Allegiance.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking.
Around wearing a miner's hat.
HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the.
Price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in.
Your coat pocket.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply.
Cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following.
Morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble.
Full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they.
Will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for.
Ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel.
The benefit.
CAN'T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film.
And press them into your eyes.
WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips.
From the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.
MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto! Toffee.
MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on.
A window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them.
Before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't care less.
Anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards.
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