Another one about The Lone Ranger
The lone ranger and his loyal indian friend Tonto are traveling through the desert and both of them being very hungry and thirsty decide to hunt something.
LR: Have you spotted something?
TONTO: No but I will use special technique from tribe, I put ear on ground to find if buffalo is near!
He does as he said and after a minute or two.
LR: Well, you got something?
TONTO: Buffalo come!
LR: How do you know?
TONTO: Because ear of Tonto stuck to the ground with semen!
Never Too Many Lawyer Jokes
The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful attorney.
So a Salvation Army volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the Salvation Army?"
The attorney thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the Salvation Army rep mumbles, "Uh. No, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the attorney, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"
The stricken Salvation Army rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated Salvation Army rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."
And the attorney says, "So. If I didn't give any money to them, what the f-ck makes you think I'd give any to you?"
Why Pilots Prefer Airplanes to Women
* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."
* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.
* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.
* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.
* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.
* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
* Airplanes expect to be tied down.
* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
* Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
* However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.