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The perils of our hobby
Folks,
The following is posted for your amusement, and maybe one or the other learns something out of it.
I came back from my last Argentina trip end of July. Said hello to my "significant other", chatted a little bit with her, including what to do about dinner, dumped my luggage and headed for the shower after 30 hours travelling. Back from the bathroom, I went to the kitchen and again raised the issue of tonight's dinner.
Came back:"Oh, that's the least of my concerns". Me: "What's up?". Her "THAT's UP!" throwing a new, still wrapped up condom in front of me.
I will spare you the details of the following 6 weeks, just so much that I moved out yesterday. Some highlights include that I lost about 15 pounds (which is the only good thing) spent a couple 100 bucks on a marital therapist (peanuits compared with what I am going to spend on lawyers) and just had a hell of a time. Or was it a time in hell?
What can we learn out of my experience?
A) When married don't monger.
B) If a) is not an option, for whatever reasons, be triple careful:
B1) Double, triple, quad check your luggage when packing. Be paranoid about it.
B2) Have an excuse ready that at least limits the damage. A good one came from my brother in law, "look, honey, you know that I don't do such things. But even if it comes to the worst, I want at least to be sure that nothing happens that gets us into real trouble"
B3) Don't get careless because you did not get cought the last 10 years. That's the reason why jails are full, spies get shot and mongers end up buried under a truckload of shit.
C) If be is not an option, well, live with the consequences.
Fortunately, Germany has abolished capital punishment, for murder as well as in divorce court. It's much cheaper over here than in most states of the US. It will cost me a fortune, anyway.
Now my problem is, the only really nice place for me to stay is my apartment in Buenos Aires. I will be in town nearly all of October. I am willing to tell the whole story, you may even laugh at my expense - as long as you pay the drinks!
Jackson, you are free to move this thread to another location if you think that's more appropriate. See you in a couple of days.
El Alemán
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I would have told her to stop nosing around in my luggage and to get back to the stove.
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[QUOTE=Rockin Bob]I would have told her to stop nosing around in my luggage and to get back to the stove.[/QUOTE]LOL Rockin. Sorry to hear about your plight El Aleman. For your consideration, a better name for the thread-"The perils of marriage". Keep a stiff upper.
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Buy your condoms at the airport and make sure you don't bring them with you.
Buying in your home country is also a good idea as Argentine condoms suck and are dangerous
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Condom origin
They were from my home country, and the way how that single one ended up in my luggage on the way back is a story by itself!
El Alemán
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[QUOTE=El Aleman]They were from my home country, and the way how that single one ended up in my luggage on the way back is a story by itself!
El Alemán[/QUOTE]Seems like a nice story, so if you don't mind telling:)
Where did you buy them?
I know at Schiphol there is only one place that sells condoms after customs, good to know where.
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Aleman, see you soon. Sorry about the shit.
We'll talk over a beer.
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[QUOTE=El Aleman]...B2) Have an excuse ready that at least limits the damage. [/QUOTE]There are two kinds of lies that will generally get you out of jams:
1. The Whopper - tell something so totally outrageous that it practically defies reality. For example, when I was married the first time, I got quasi-caught with having had a brief casual encounter. I told my wife that in fact, I had gotten curious and had had sex with a guy I had met at a work conference. It so totally blew her mind that the details didn't even matter. She was stunned and more concerned about whether I was gay than about any straying that might have happened.
2. The Near Truth - tell almost the entire truth, but divert just slightly at the key issue. It's hard to describe how this works unless you've done it, but if you ever saw the Diane Keaton movie, "The Little Drummer Girl," that was the exact basis of the lie. The underlying strength is that [u]you[/u] believe it (for the most part). I've done it many times, and it usually works like a charm.
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[QUOTE=StrayLight]There are two kinds of lies that will generally get you out of jams:
1. The Whopper - tell something so totally outrageous that it practically defies reality. For example, when I was married the first time, I got quasi-caught with having had a brief casual encounter. I told my wife that in fact, I had gotten curious and had had sex with a guy I had met at a work conference. It so totally blew her mind that the details didn't even matter. She was stunned and more concerned about whether I was gay than about any straying that might have happened.
2. The Near Truth - tell almost the entire truth, but divert just slightly at the key issue. It's hard to describe how this works unless you've done it, but if you ever saw the Diane Keaton movie, "The Little Drummer Girl," that was the exact basis of the lie. The underlying strength is that [u]you[/u] believe it (for the most part) I've done it many times, and it usually works like a charm.[/QUOTE]Stray-Previously I thought you should write a book, now, it appears you should write a manual. I have always been a firm believer in the "near truth" lie. More convincing, and less room for the unconscious to fuck things up.
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True Lies
"I did not have sex with that woman."
Women know everything, they don't need to find any evidence. What you want is one who'll forgive you and take you back.
My own take on El Alamein's plight is that this condom incident is just the catalyst to start a process that has been in preparation with every trip to Buenos Aires. IMHO. I could be mistaken.
As with all change it's usually for the better. The problem is, we know what we're losing, what we're going to gain is an unknown unknown.
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Are you sure this isnt my girlfriend and is your wife? She did not like the tuttifrutti condoms in my drawer when we were at the point of getting down to business. They are sooo much cheaper in BsaS. One can get a 3 pack at the little drug stores for almost nothing. I figure you have to fuck the girls 3 times, every time. But honey I wanted to see if this flavor. "so you fucked a *****". Ah women you can change them but they are all alike. I tried the 'would you rather get AIDS" approach. About 95% of Brasilian men are humping other woman on a regular basis. We Americans can learn from this.
El A. Are you saying that western european women as not as 'enlightened' as American woman? I'm shocked.
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Reality
I don't know how "enlioghtened" American women are (I never had the pleasure) but the European laws encourage a much higher sense of reality. Courts here don't see their jop to punish anybody for his immoral behaviour during a divorce, it's more the "things got fucked up, let's clean up the mess" approach. So, the joke "Women are like hurricanes. First they blow a little bit, and suddenly the house is gone" does not apply always.
And if you get caught by a latin women, you better lock up the kitchen knives for a week and wear a metal chastity belt, but after she calmed down things go back to normal. Deep in her heart she knows that men are that way, and that her one is not a bad guy (as long as he treats her well) just a stupid one.
I think this different culture historically has a lot to do with religion. Catholicism tends to accept the imperfect nature of humans as a fact, and provides the instrument of confession and forgiveness (and Carnival, which inevitably leads to extra shifts in birth clinics 9 months later) while protestantism, especially in it's puritan and Calvinistic varieties just tells you to lead a God pleasing life and counts your sins for judgement day. My good jewish friend Roxana is happy of not being part of this!
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What a bad experience Aleman, I hope you get this resolved the best possible way.
Rockin Bob, I agree with your theory, they know that from the begining, if for any reason they can't find a proof, they will instigate, interrogate and investigate until they find it.
They need something, even a confession, a witness, even a wrapped brand new condom can be used as a proof.
The worst of these issues it's feeling yourself bad about this. "when married don't monger" why the fucking marriage has to be like that? I gain a partner, a beautiful companion but I have to pay with my life? My dick it's now restricted to one single pussy, forever, and that damages my confidence. It's such unnatural as the japanese women who wrapped their feet to make it look smaller. So why the hell do I have to feel like that as if I have my dick wrapped. No way.
Marriage was invented by the romans to protect their offspring, but the christians somehow they corrupted the idea, plus the feminism to attack us male psicologically and make us act as robots, more productivity, less fun. Less fun, more productivity. No way.
My (not 100% applied) rules:
1- When finding a girl, find the right one for your needs, find the one that you like not the one that please your family.
2- When loving your wife, make her feel good, but let her know who is the boss, so please her, but do never accept to play her rules.
3- Never act as an asshole, even if you are an asshole, means when she ask you for fidelity, deny it. Do like women does: say NO.
4- Never hurt her heart, never let other girls get into your world, since that could be devastating.
5- You can treat her as an equal person, after all she is human too, but remember: she is a woman, you are a man, so it's not the same thing, they can survive with a castity belt, you don't. Dogs can survive eating everyday dogs food, but you don't You love your dog and your dog loves you, but each one has different needs due each one nature.
You need to experience sex with other woman to proof you still a man, otherwise, you'll lose your dick (not phisically but mentally) but woman they just need one guy to please them, all the other bullshit are social and educational mistakes. I hope and I trust some day in the future this mistake will be fixed, and all of the children will be re-educated properly.
All right, you'll say: what about cheating woman? And what about MMF menage a trois relationships, and what about swinging?
That's my #1 rule, you see, find the right one girl for your needs. There are woman with distorsioned hormones + a feminist education, so they look like a girl but they think like a guy, it's the same thing with gays and transexuals. It's not a natural-human thing, it's a both cultural and hormonal distorsion.
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Mcse,
How come I get the feeling that you are not American, but of some latin origin?
El Alemán