One about lawyers, and why they call us materialistic.
The best lawyer in town, after winning his best case goes to a car dealership and buys a brand new BMW, after paying for it he decides to go to the court house in it so his coleagues would feel envy.
A few meters from his destination he parks the BMW and opens the door, suddenly a truck hits the door and rips it off. He goes berzerk and starts insulting the driver: "You stupid moron, you ripped my f. Ing door and my car is new, dammit A BMW and I just took it from the dealership!
Then a cop appears and tries to calm him down, saying: Sir, I understand you are pretty upset because of the damage to your car, but I regret to inform you that in the crash, the truck chopped your left arm from the elbow to your fingers.
The lawyer, realizing it is true stares at his bleeding arm and says: Damn it! Where is my f. Ing Rolex!
Steve --- you got the punch line wrong
The Robot actually said.
"Are you here in Buenos Aires visiting from Alabama?"
Quak. I lived in Alabama for a year
I know whereof I speak!
Birmingham to be precise!
English - the adaptable language
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD.
Well, it's shit. That's right - shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit - or not do so, if you don't give a shit!
Well, it's time for me to go.
Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit.
But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head.
Well, Shit Happens!