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A New York Lawyer on vacation runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Florida State Trooper.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that.
He has a better education then any Florida Trooper. He decides to prove this to himself and have.
Some fun at the Florida cop's expense!
Florida Trooper says," License and registration, please."
New York Lawyer says, "What for?"
Florida Trooper says, "y'all didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
New York Lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."
Florida Trooper says, "y'all still didn't come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please."
New York Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Florida Trooper says, "The difference is, you gotta come to complete stop, that's the law,. Licence and registration, please!"
New York Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Florida Trooper says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The New York Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Florida Trooper takes out his baton, starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says,.
" Do y'all want me to stop, or just slow down?"
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I want to see Exon do this with Hilda.
[url]http://www.liveleak.com/player.swf?autostart=false&token=2a7_1194023452[/url]
I must give credit to Caveman01 for this idea.
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[QUOTE=Doggboy]I want to see Exon do this with Hilda.
[url]http://www.liveleak.com/player.swf?autostart=false&token=2a7_1194023452[/url]
I must give credit to Caveman01 for this idea.[/QUOTE]My question is who should be on top bring spinned. My vote is Exon.
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Funny
Exon was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call his bluff, "OK, Exon, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Exon and his boss fly out to Hollywood, knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Head of the Dick! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Exon's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Exon that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, you just name anyone else," Exon says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Exon say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington." At the White House, Bush spots Exon on the tour and motions him and his boss over, "Exon, what a great surprise, I was just heading to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in first and let's catch up. You were right about that god damn war and I shoulda listened, you gotta help me figure a way outta this mess."
The boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Exon, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," the boss replies. "Sure!" says Exon. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Exon and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Exon says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Exon emerges with the Pope on the balcony, with some hooker swingen from his joint, and waves, but by the time Exon returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by Exedra girls in nurses uniforms.
Making his way to his boss' side, Exon asks him, "What happened boss?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw. You and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the hell is that on the balcony with Exon"
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The farmer got in his pickup, drove several miles to a neighboring farm, and knocked on the farmhouse door.
A young boy about 12 opened the door. "Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't. He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither," the boy replied. "She went into town with paw."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with maw and paw."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that" he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
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Oop's
[url]http://www.redtube.com/3767[/url]
Exon
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First, God asks Peyton Manning, "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?" Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Brett Favre, "And you, Brett, what do you believe?" Brett replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
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Guy walks down the beach and sees a armless and legless girl. She is crying. He picks her up and asks why is she crying. She says she is 20 and never been kissed. So he kisses her. Good dfk kind. Nice he thinks.
Then she keeps crying and he asks why. She says she is 20 and never been fucked. He thinks about the kiss, looks at her condition. Takes her down to the edge where the waves are coming in. Sets her down slowly, smiles and says.
Now you are fucked.
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For Computer Geeks!
Installing a Husband
Dear Tech Support,.
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance --particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate.
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Try downloading Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. at least intermittantly.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources)
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Best wishes,.
Tech Support
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A True Story
After having spent four months doing business in Argentina this year I sadly returned home to the States, whereupon my father asked me if I saved any money while in Buenos Aires.
I had to be honest with him.
I said, " Dad, they have casinos in Buenos Aires where I gambled but did not win".
I proceeded to explain that the bar I frequented was open 24 hours a day, and that I spent a disproportionate amount of time and money on beer and whiskey for myself and whoever else happened to be there.
Finally, I explained to my father about the women of Buenos Aires.
I said, "Dad, the women in Buenos Aires are famous for their beauty and sensuality. You can spend the whole day gazing at the extraordinary way they carry themselves when they walk on the street. I tried to behave myself, Dad, and stay away from the brothels and bawdy houses, but I was worn down and I was weak. I got hooked and spent untold amounts of money on these women, Pop".
"The rest of my money", I confessed to my beleagured father, "I spent foolishly".