The Laws of Chica Land

[Lexton]

Another very important law of Chicaland is:

Your value to her is based totally on what you MIGHT do for her next.

Forget gratitude. Forget loyalty, friendship, fairness. These relationships at times apply briefly to other women, NEVER to MEN. Women, like cats, are among the most self indulgent creatures in the world. She is only interested in what is good for her, and men exist solely to be exploited. Even with her children, if you study her closely, you will discover she acts always in her own interest, even when at first it may appear she is acting unselfishly for her children (which is why they so readily have children they cannot support).

This is why TIPPING is such a bad idea. It is part of the expected payment, and now only establishes a new base price. She will not be appreciative or grateful. She will only be expectant that you will give her the same and more next time. The most effective tactic for gifts is to give her randomly spaced gifts (NEVER the 1st or 2nd time). You can say anything you like as justification for the gift. The important thing is to stress the randomness. Use dice, cards, the daily number or whatever to achieve it. Try to keep a significant part of your payment to her this random gift. This is the only way it can be easily withheld and therefore retain its value (this is THEIR favorite use of sex in committed relationships).

Therefore, NEVER COMMIT TO ANYTHING IN ADVANCE. Anything you are committed to is in the past, and therefore no longer counts, even if the thing hasn't happened yet. Like tickets to something: show, voyage. Once you buy the tickets and can't back out, their value drops close to zero. Likewise marriage, engagement. And, of course, this is why you can NEVER PAY IN ADVANCE.

ALWAYS DEAL IN INDEFINITE FUTURES: "If you are nice to me, I MIGHT see you again and pay you again. But I really also want to do something else instead, like go to Spain, so I will have to think hard." This is her favorite tactic against you, and it is equally effective against her. BUT YOU MUST MEAN IT, BECAUSE SHE DOES.

I appreciate the above can be difficult to do at times. But, like freedom, it requires and deserves eternal vigilance and effort. And yes, I am still working on it.

[Exon123]

You will not be caught Fucking Someone Else.

What this means is if you have a favorita Chica in anyone one Club or Cafe to maintain the relationship you will not be caught pulling another Chica out the establishment, even if she's not their. The Latain Chica Network will immedately "Snich" you off by cell phone or other and it will cost you money and "Brain Damage" to repair the "Miss-Deed".

Now its perfectly alright for her to Fuck anything in sight for thats just business, but don't you get caught doing it. You are her mini cash register so to speak and she doesn't want you wasting sperm on her competition. She wants you horny so when she needs money you'll get a phone call to see if the ATM is open.

Moreover, if your seen pulling another Chica from her place of business the Chica will immedately lose "face or status" with her contemporary's. You see she's been Lieing to her peers. She's told them your paying $300 peso's when your really paying something like $150 peso's. She's told them you have a small dick and you cum in 30 seconds when in fact your hung like Jackson and half the time you can't "Finish" because you've been Fucking Everything in Sight.

One must remmember that after about 3 sessions with thease girls you become her personal property.

Exon

[Jackson]

#1. Any money you hand to her for any reason is hers to keep and spend as she may wish. It is immaterial what words were exchanged or what promises were made at the time of the transfer. For example:

You: Mi Amor, here is $500 pesos for you to use to pay your rent next week while I am in the US.

Two weeks later:

Her: (calling you in the US) Hola beebe! I mees yew!

You: Hi my dear. How are you?

Her: I am feen, pero I need to pay my rent.

You: Uh, I gave you 500 pesos to pay your rent when I left.

(pause in the conversation)

Her: (English improves) What are you talking about? I don't understand you. I don't have any money in my purse. I don't have any money to pay my rent! You promised you would pay my rent! If you don't pay my rent, I will be out on the street in three days!

You get the idea.

#2. The word "loan" is a term that men use to discuss business between themselves. The word has no meaning in ChicaLand.

#3. If she does finally acknowledge that somehow, by some twisting of the laws of the universe, that she actually owns you money, then she will be perfectly justified in raising her price to you until the obligation is repayed, at which point she will (maybe) graciously lower her price back to it's original level.

#4. And to more accurately state my ChicaLand rule mentioned by MoonDog: The value of any gift you give to a chica has a half-life of 5 minutes.

For those of you not familiar with the term "half-life", it means that the value is reduced in half in the first 5 minutes, then by half of the remaining value in the next 5 minutes, then by half of that remaining value in the next 5 minutes, etc., etc, etc. In other words, the value dimishes rapidly, but never actually reaches zero, thus permitting you to bring it up in subsequent conversations, where it will be acknowledged, but to little or no credit for you.

[Capt Dave]

The language spoken by ChicaLanders needs to be understood by those of us who wish to deal with the denizens of CL without disrupting the Force, so...

9. Many words, and even the concept of those words, either don't exist or have very different meanings to CL residents (and therefor visitors!)

i.e.,

Logic:

This concept does not seem to exist, and has been replaced by a new system of reason I refer to as "Flexi-Think", which has the advantage of leaving almost the entire left-brain area available for storage of erroneous facts.

Consequences:

Since this concept frequently requires the existance of "tomorrow" (see rule 8), it exists, at best, only in theory for CL residents. For non-residents it usually has a much more immediate meaning and therefore does apply.

Birthdays:

ChicaLanders may declare a "birthday tomorrow" at any time, without incurring an age penalty. This is allowed because of the CL definition of Tomorrow (see rule 8).

Non-residents ignoring these birthdays run the risk of having to pay a "forgiveness fee" to normalize relations.

(NOTE - this fee may sometimes be payed in negotiable commodities other then cash)

Boyfriend ("Novio"):

This title may be applied to any non-resident that a resident has had sex with more then once. In this usage however, it is an honorary title only, but does allow you the priveledge of giving her gifts, as well as more money for less sex (see rule 4)

It should be noted that "real" (i.e. resident) ChicaLand novios are NEVER seen in public, as they are back home (traditionally drinking and watching TV) waiting for her to come home and give him all the money she made today before attempting (frequently succesfully) to impregnate her.

That ends todays.

Once again, anyone discovering a new ChicaLand definition is encouraged to share.

David

[Exon123]

Your Right On The Money Capt Dave

[MoonDog]

These are great.

Moondog

[Capt Dave]

To continue.....

6) Once you have had sex with her, or even thought about having sex with her, you may not have sex with any other chica EVER without incurring her wrath (and therefore owing her a "forgiveness fee")

If you go to a club where she is working and discover she is with someone else, you are expected to wait your turn quietly, without making either a fuss or glancing at any other chica until she is available (which may not be for hours, or even several days - no importa!)

7) The value of her services is determined by the most she was ever paid by anyone for anything for any amount of time, plus a cost-of-living increase.
Of course, The exception to this is if she knows, or knows of, or has heard of (see rule 2), a friend who once was paid more then that, in which case her value is that figure plus the percentage increase because her friend is just a puta and not worth as much as she is!

The cost of her taxi is likewise determined by the most she has ever paid a taxi in her life.

8) Time translations: There is temporal vortex in ChicaLand, which re-defines our traditional concepts of time calculation:

1 hour

a) As a measure of when she has to do something (i.e. arrive at your apt.) 1 hour means sometime today.

b) As a measure of time-on-the-job, it means until either you come or she gets tired (or bored.)

2 hours

a) As a measure of when she has to do something (i.e. arrive at your apt.) 2 hours means sometime much later today.

b) As a measure of time-on-the-job, 2 hours means basically the same as 1 hour except you owe her more money

Right Away = Sometime in the next few hours

This afternoon = Before midnight

Tonight = Before dawn

All night (TLN) = Just after the sun rises in some part of the world

And of course...

Tomorrow = ?????

The concept of tomorrow DOES NOT EXIST in Chicaland - The closest concept that does exist may be loosely translated to mean "someday before the end of the world".

To be continued.......

[Daddy Rulz]

If you pay antes not despues any understanding of the services you negotiated in the boliche, cafe or phone are no longer valid. Perhaps this is only a collerary(sp) of Daves law number 3.

[MoonDog]

1. When the escort ad says they can speak English, they know how to say, "200 pesos and your hotel."

2. Once in the business, they almost never get out. When they too old to work, they manage other girls, or work in the business in another capacity. The money, excitement, travel, is too good to pass up.

3. I like Jackson's statement, "The life span of a gift to a chica is 5 minutes."

Moondog

[ChicagoBoy23]

1. Their mother is always sick and needs medicine.

2. The rent on their apartment is due next week or she will be forced to live on the street.

3. She does not want to see any other man. Just you.

[Capt Dave]

Gentlemen:

Many of you have come to realize that chicas live in a parellel universe that in many respects is similar to ours, but differs in several important ways.

In an effort to help my fellow travelers negotiate the perilous waters of the ChicaLand reefs, I have attempted to put to paper some of the basic rules that apply when you make the mystical journey to the land that these girls live in.

Here are five of the most important rules by which you are expected to live:

The Laws of ChicaLand

1) Anything you say, might have said, could possibly have said, or would have said if you thought of it, can and will be used against you in any argument for the rest of your life.

2) Anything any other chica tells her about you is true

3) Anything she says is only true for as long as she wants it to be, after which she may simply deny saying it and it will never have happened.

4) Gifts are not to be confused with the money you owe her for fucking you.

5) Any money she gets in her hands is hers, therefore money she receives for any reason may be used by her for any other reason she deems necessary, in which case you are obligated to give her more money for the original purpose.
There is no such thing as change, repayment, or debt.

More to come.

Anyone who discovers a new law is encouraged to post it here.

Smooth Seas!

David