Thread: Jokes / One liners

+ Submit Report
Page 1 of 33 1 2 3 4 5 11 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 495
This forum thread is moderated by Admin
  1. #495
    Quote Originally Posted by WorldTravel69  [View Original Post]
    Funny how you didn't answer my question.

  2. #494

    Paula Jones and Trump

    Funny how Trump gets into this.

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/...legal-troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Myolta  [View Original Post]
    Since it wasn't consensual with some women, such as Paula Jones to whom Bill Clinton agreed in November 1998 to pay $850,000 for sexual harassment compensation, how does that not make him a pervert?

  3. #493
    Quote Originally Posted by WorldTravel69  [View Original Post]
    If it is Consensual how does that make him a Pervert?
    Since it wasn't consensual with some women, such as Paula Jones to whom Bill Clinton agreed in November 1998 to pay $850,000 for sexual harassment compensation, how does that not make him a pervert?

  4. #492

    Consensual Sex

    If it is Consensual how does that make him a Pervert?

    Quote Originally Posted by Myolta  [View Original Post]
    Shed no tears for the departing O'Reilly as America still has an iconic and bona fide pervert named Bill running around. Last name of Clinton, if my memory serves me.

  5. #491
    Quote Originally Posted by WorldTravel69  [View Original Post]
    Is off the Air.

    Sorry Jackson.

    I could not resist.

    Say Goodbye to Bill O'Reilly the pervert.

    He should have ran for President, then it would not matter.
    Shed no tears for the departing O'Reilly as America still has an iconic and bona fide pervert named Bill running around. Last name of Clinton, if my memory serves me.

  6. #490

    The Biggest Joke

    Is off the Air.

    Sorry Jackson.

    I could not resist.

    Say Goodbye to Bill O'Reilly the pervert.

    He should have ran for President, then it would not matter.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to WorldTravel69 For This Post:


  8. #489

    Joke

    So this white guy goes to Hospital to see he white wife who is having a baby....

    On arrive the nurse says Congratulations Sir you have 5 x baby boys.......

    He says Well...Really i am not surprised because I have a very BIG Chimney...

    Nurse says...If I were you I would clean it because all your boys are Black......

    Sly.

  9. #488

    Happy Holidays

    With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

    As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.

    Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!

    Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.

    This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it..

    So anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.

    Happy Holidays and be safe out there.

  10. #487

    Another Lawyer Joke

    What's the difference between a flea and a lawyer? One is a bloodsucking parasite and the other is a small insect.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Bobby Doerr For This Post:


  12. #486

    Wheaties

    Look what can happen if you eat Wheaties for 38 years:

    TL.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails jenner.jpg‎  

  13. #485

    The Weather

    I wish our reporters were like this.

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/ePG6zUYvUZg

  14. #484

    My New Job

    So I finally landed a job as a Walmart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day.

    About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Walmart.” “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”.

    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”.

    So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.”.

    My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

  15. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to WorldTravel69 For This Post:


  16. #483

    And another.

    "A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.

    The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense. " So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. " The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about. " The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit. ".

    Labrador.

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Labrador For This Post:


  18. #482

    Funny

    Some oldies but still funny, hope these don't offend, just some warped humor.

    Some one liners.

    I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

    The wife and I have a water bed which I refer to as "The Dead Sea" and this upsets her?

    I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

    After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

    Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

    A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?

    Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?

    'Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humor!

    The wife's back on the warpath. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

    I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

    My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

    After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!

    I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

    45 year old Sperm Bank at New Port quoted $500.00 dollars!

    I told her that was the funniest Joke I'd heard in Years!

    TL.

  19. #481
    Robert, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. . .

    Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

    After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.

    Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

    After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Robert, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

    She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 - year. Old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert. '.

    Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?

    The moral of the story:

    Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.

Posting Limitations

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts


Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape