Hunt's Laws of Mongering

[Hunt99]

Hunt's Law Number Five: Mongering is a serious business.

Commentary: Mongering is all about physical pleasure for its own sake. Don't fall in love with a chica! If you want a girlfriend, mongering is absolutely the wrong hobby. Many good men, wiser and smarter than you, have crashed and burned when they have fallen for that Hollywood staple, the "Hooker with a heart of gold." Like most Hollywood stories, it's pure bullshit. Get a clue - they're hookers because they're desperate and they need money, not because there's anything especially noble or exciting about working in a privado, getting stuffed with a half-dozen strange cocks on a daily basis. Some of you will doubtless ignore this important rule. You will become the subject of salacious stories traded around on this site by PM, with people snickering about how you did your thinking with your small head instead of your big one. If you want to save the world, give money to the Salvation Army, not to a hooker that you want to reform.

[MCSE]

Hunt: my small contribution: better in person. Feel free to take it or discard it, but some times you see amazing ladies on pictures and either pictures are 100% fake or the girl has something wrong which unable is to see on the picture. Also, for me, attitude and chemistry, thus, tired girl, etc are not perceptible on a picture. (this apply considering than calling internet girls is part of the mongering excerise) Good job!

[Hunt99]

Hunt's Law Number Four: Never pay first.

Understandably, a lot of chicas are going to press you to pay them your agreed price first. DON'T DO IT. It's not a foregone conclusion, but if you pay them first, your chances of a substandard, piss-poor fuck have just gone up 300%. Make them work for their money, make them realize that if they don't do what they promised, if they try to leave before the agreed-upon time, if they just lay there like a dead fish in bed - they're not going to get the money they so desperately want. If they tell you they want to be paid up front, tell them no, and tell them a white lie as to why - you've "always had bad experiences with girls who got paid up front." If she still insists on being paid first, or makes a stink about it, refer to Hunt's Law Number Three: If it doesn't smell right, leave it alone. In other words, if she says "no sexo antes el dinero" tell her "Hasta la vista, baby!" and throw her ass out. Be a man. Stand your ground. You'll feel much better about yourself later.

[Teddybear]

So my rule is:

There is only going to be one with a belly in my bed, and that is me!

[StrayLight]

I've always had two ironclad rules:

1. Be ready, willing and able to walk out of any transaction at any time. Even if you have your dick in an orifice and are about to come, don't ever surrender your control over the situation. This is related to Rule #3, below, only to me it's a bit stronger.

2. Always leave a transaction with your self-respect intact.

There are probably some additional guidelines I could list, but those two are the biggies, and they've served me very well over the years.

SL

[El Perro]

. Are under consideration. However, a multi-purpose Law is today's.

Hunt's Law Number Three: If it doesn't smell right, leave it alone.

This is such an important Law on many levels. While positive first impressions won't always carry over to the bedroom, you can be absolutely certain that a negative first impression will result in a below-average fuck, sometimes even netting you one of those famed "Psycho Chicas" that every monger fears. Moreover, without going into clinical medical detail, well, you get the idea. Unless your idea of fun is a mouth full of cottage cheese. Yes she might look beautiful, yes she might be a tasty little treat, but if she's a cold fish in the club she's likely to be a cold fish between the sheets. And as for the other meaning, when desiring fine dining you want your fish to be grouper or mahi mahi, not bearded clam with special sauce.

For me this is rule Numero Uno! Yes, you might get a bad apple every now and then from an initially smiling, personable gato, BUT common sense should prevail. If they are quiet, sullen, argumentative and the list of obvious negatives goes on and on-AVOID! The chances of a gato like that ending up being a good experience are very, very poor. Course, if you are hell bent to loosen up that tough chica with your winning ways and hefty monger unit-have at it! That'll be one less troublesome chica off the market that night!

[Hunt99]

...are under consideration. However, a multi-purpose Law is today's

Hunt's Law Number Three: If it doesn't smell right, leave it alone.

This is such an important Law on many levels. While positive first impressions won't always carry over to the bedroom, you can be absolutely certain that a negative first impression will result in a below-average fuck, sometimes even netting you one of those famed "Psycho Chicas" that every monger fears. Moreover, without going into clinical medical detail, well, you get the idea. Unless your idea of fun is a mouth full of cottage cheese. Yes she might look beautiful, yes she might be a tasty little treat, but if she's a cold fish in the club she's likely to be a cold fish between the sheets. And as for the other meaning, when desiring fine dining you want your fish to be grouper or mahi mahi, not bearded clam with special sauce.

[Sinistra]

I always thought it was a joke. Okay, like after, I don't know, maybe 17 days in a row--a couple times double-dipping--I just wasn't able to function today. I might have been embarrassed, but I just told the girl, "look, you're great and all that, but you're like the twentieth chica I've fucked in the last month and I am SPENT." So I sent her on her merry way. The truth is, the fucking wasn't all that great and I just didn't give a shit anymore.

Here's the rub: there's no good rule of thumb to follow other than "if you're even feeling a tiny bit half-hearted about it, just go." If you're shown a line-up of girls and there's even the slightest bit of apathy coarsing through your Johnson. If you're at a club and you start worrying about drink prices, hit the door. If you're on the massage table and you don't even feel a flutter, just ask her to massage you for another 20 minutes and tell her that you're getting married and you're feeling a little guilty.

Jesus CHRIST--my kibbles BITTEN the dust. My once pocket rocket is now just lap taffy.

[Shane44]

A basic rule of mongering that has served me very well over many years throughout the world that I learned in the Army is:

"Never try to eat anything larger than your head."

Trust me, this will keep you out of a lot of trouble and potential difficulties with the Chicas.

Good hunting Hunt, Shane

[Exon123]

Hunt's Law Number Two: Don't monger while drunk.

"Commentary: One would think this to be self-evident, but while one drink may be permissible to loosen up an uptight monger, and perhaps two are sufficient to get a pleasant buzz, four or five or ten are definitely too many. Contrary to popular belief, you are not more charming or desirable to women when your liver is marinated in Beefeater Gin. Your ability to successfully negotiate a reasonable price for sex is diminished by an exponential amount with each additional drink you consume."

I have seen Exon become even more loose after 3 or 4 of his Beefeaters. Does this mean his hand looks better and better as the Beefeaters flows? LOL.

Coach

I do most of my Mongering durning the day and drink the Beefeaters before dinner, usually limiting my self to two or three doubles, there are exceptions. This way I'm sober when I Fuck and my Vigara works. I normally use the evening's for recon, scouting out new prospects.

There are many reasons for this behavior. I fuck better durning the day. Its cheaper durning the day. Its good "Sperm Management" since I don't ask my "Dick" to do something that can't be done.

Exon

[Punter 127]

How about this Hunt; forget everything you ever learned about dating. Mongering is a business deal not a romance. She is selling and you are buying, apply good business principles when dealing with chicas.

[Hunt99]

Don't throw more money at a malo situation. It will not get better!

Is this a proposed law of mongering or of stock market investing?

[Hunt99]

I wish I could claim these laws as Toymann originals but I have found these two laws to be self evident!

1) If the Chica is unhappy you will not improve her mood by sticking your dick in her!

2) If they can't Dance, they can't fuck either!

1) Good point. We shall have to incorporate something along this line into a Hunt's Law.

2) I can't dance (in fact I have Terminal White Man's Disease) and I can fuck. I've seen the same thing amongst chicas. Too imprecise to be a Hunt's Law, which must be universal in application.

[Coach 245]

Hunt's Law Number Two: Don't monger while drunk.

"Commentary: One would think this to be self-evident, but while one drink may be permissible to loosen up an uptight monger, and perhaps two are sufficient to get a pleasant buzz, four or five or ten are definitely too many. Contrary to popular belief, you are not more charming or desirable to women when your liver is marinated in Beefeater Gin. Your ability to successfully negotiate a reasonable price for sex is diminished by an exponential amount with each additional drink you consume."

I have seen Exon become even more loose after 3 or 4 of his Beefeaters. Does this mean his hand looks better and better as the Beefeaters flows? LOL.

Coach

[Tungurahua]

Hunt's Law Number Two: Don't monger while drunk.

This is what I miss so much in BA (compared to Quito) -- that I cannot monger in cheap nightclubs to drink incredible proportions of $1-2 beers and fuck eighteens at fixed-club-prices of 650 to 800 pennies a spread. While the odd case of whiskey-dick worked against me, most of the time it works for me, making me super-horny all the live-long-day. So in my books Hunt's Law Number Two is not a negative but a positive. ;-) I have yet to come up with a successful re-mix of catalysts to take me to savage, drooling super-inspired heights here.

Hmm, to personalize it I would write: don't monger after drinking more than 15 (small, 330ml) beers; 20 and you are done for.

Law Number One is solid.

** contemplating a good contribution **