Doggboy for President!

[Bacchus9]

With much thought I have already arrived at decisions about some of the cabinet posts, ambassadorships, and other positions. I will share with you these decisions so that we can all begin the necessary preparations involved in obfuscating the fuck out of our pasts. You will note that many prominent AP members have been left out. This list is preliminary and will be added to in the next few days and weeks. If you have recommendations, complaints, etc, feel free to post them here or PM me.

Secretary of State-Bacchus9. Knowledgeable about foreign "affairs", smart as a whip and a smooth operator. Sartorially resplendent as well.

I look forward to your feedback and God bless.

Thanks for your confidence by placing this unimaginable honor (millstone around my neck) as your Secretary of State. Having been appointed should you be elected I will serve with dedication in carrying out your policies in bars, brothels, massage parlors and carnal dens around the world. Currently of course I am working daily to firm up relations on the important planks you've yet to lay down in Southeast Asia and with considerable success as their ancient phallus rituals and absence of christianity have kept them from falling prey to western concerns of morality as well as sleazy exploitation by the media. It's touch and go on a daily basis but usually I touch and then we go and all's well in the end. But I digress. Congratulations on announcing your presidential bid and good luck in turning your wisdom into reality in our time.

[El Perro]

Why is that when I show up, everybody runs?

Dogboy, as BAICOKA, can I deliver indiscriminate beatings (ala roving sharia gangs) to those not falling inline with our dress code (I. E. Slutty, less-is-more)?

Give me a week on that. I am currently sampling various airports in the USA as I travel about taking the pulse of my future constituency.

[Wild Walleye]

Why is that when I show up, everybody runs?

Dogboy, as BAICOKA, can I deliver indiscriminate beatings (ala roving sharia gangs) to those not falling inline with our dress code (I. E. Slutty, less-is-more)?

[Wild Walleye]

Hands on! I knew I could count on you! I'll be in touch about the possibility of changing the current profiling criteria to include "brick shithouses" and "out and out sluts".

It has come to my attention that our greatest current threat is likely buxom blonds, disillusioned with the new congress and their plans to scale back Obamacare, which would have provided them with a life-time supply of govt-paid-for hydrogen peroxide and breast augmentations.

Therefore, all hot, stacked blonds will need to go through enhanced pat-downs and feel-ups.

[El Perro]

Thanks. I plan to be deeply involved in every aspect of the position. In fact, I'll be doing some of the enhanced pat-downs, personally. Cavity searches will be way up, under me.

Hands on! I knew I could count on you! I'll be in touch about the possibility of changing the current profiling criteria to include "brick shithouses" and "out and out sluts".

[Wild Walleye]

Secretary of Homeland Security-Wild Walleye.

Thanks. I plan to be deeply involved in every aspect of the position. In fact, I'll be doing some of the enhanced pat-downs, personally. Cavity searches will be way up, under me.

[El Perro]

President Doggboy,

I hereby recommend Nine-Toe Moe for the Director of Management and Budget. With Moe watching our bottom line, the budget deficit will quickly become a distant memory!

Ambassador Tequiler Tim

Ambassador Tequiler, your recommendations are always welcome! 9TM will be actively considered for the Director's position at OMB. There are some concerns however as I don't want OMB staff to be required to pay an exorbitant fee to drink warm water from the water "coolers", or to reimburse 9TM out of their own pockets for his lunches when he visits Sardi's in New York City. In addition, last I heard, 9TM was in some sort of anguished battle with a flock of hens on a bedraggled lorry somewhere outside Lahore.

Even with his obvious eccentric faults he will be considered though. He is very talented in his own perverse way.

BTW, I am very pleased that you have seen fit to refer to me as "President Doggboy"! I don't see much sense in awaiting the nomination process and silly election thing. Should you continue to pledge your "allegiance", I will promise you a lifetime supply of french lingerie to outfit your paraguayan beauties, and a personal wine cellar in Buenos Aires, situated just to the left of the men's bathroom door at Madeleine's.

Salutations!

[Tequila Tim]

President Doggboy,

I hereby recommend Nine-Toe Moe for the Director of Management and Budget. With Moe watching our bottom line, the budget deficit will quickly become a distant memory!

Ambassador Tequiler Tim

[El Perro]

A chicken in every pot and some pot in every porro!

[El Perro]

How come Jackson gets all the good perks?

Jackson's not going to be happy he got skipped over for the Treasury job. He and I don't see eye to eye on taxation issues. So, I'm pouring it on extra thick for him to assuage his pain.

And YOU are complaining! A half year in Floripa with your Brazilian dewdrop!

[El Alamo]

How come Jackson gets all the good perks?

[El Perro]

One more thing about Jackson's position as Sher-IFF Jackson. I admit it is a little perverse of me, but Jackson will be required to sport a Stetson "Open Road" model hat, silver belly in color.

Here then are Jackson's accoutrements:

[El Perro]

Doggyboy.

I appreciate th nomination for Secretary of Health and human Resources with Tejano Libre. I assume this is because Tejano Libre and myself (along with Rock Harders) are knowledgeable in the field of bareback sex.

My question is: Where is Jackson? I would think Chairman of the Federal Reserve or Secretary of the Treasury.

I assume there will be no background checks. If there are, I'm out of here

You are reading my mind El Alamo! Yes, proponents of bareback sex have a trouser-less leg up regarding being nominated. There will however be some rubbered enthusiasts chosen as I want to have people in my administration from both sides of the aisle.

There will be no background checks regarding ethics, morality, etc. With the exception that religious zealot applicants will not only be rejected, they will face harassment for the indefinite future.

Regarding Jackson's future in my administration. I have yet to decide. Jackson's abilities are such that he will be an asset in nearly any position. I am wavering between a position in finance or some sort of special law enforcement assignment. In fact, I have been musing about designating Jackson as "Sheriff of the USA" (sheriff to be pronounced sher-IFF with the accent on the second syllable-like Omar Sharif). An exalted, yet to some degree ceremonial position. As I see it Jackson would travel about the country monitoring the oft criticized FBI as well as local law enforcement, and reporting back to me his findings. I believe his libertarian stance would serve he and the country well. I see Jackson traveling about the country in a 1972 El Dorado convertible outfitted with a pair of longhorns where the hood ornament would ordinarily be found. He will be ably "assisted" by his traveling partner, some blonde, long legged, big titted piece of work. I can see Jackson now stopping on some deserted dirt road in Oklahoma and bending his assistant over the hood whilst she holds on to the longhorns for dear life.

There remains much work to be done. I am giving this much thought as you can see. I am slowing down now though and I believe it might be time for a shot or two of Gentleman Jack and some hash oil. I'll be back.

[Julio]

Julio will be appointed ambassador to Hook.

Yesss!

And I'll attend my affairs in the lascivious back room, with hot Gisella as my secretary sitting on my knees!

[El Alamo]

Doggboy.

I appreciate the nomination for Secretary of Health and human Resources with Tejano Libre. I assume this is because Tejano Libre and myself (along with Rock Harders) are knowledgeable in the field of bareback sex.

My question is: Where is Jackson? I would think Chairman of the Federal Reserve or Secretary of the Treasury.

I assume there will be no background checks. If there are, I'm out of here