The Rules of Mongering in Buenos Aires

[Stranger]

At Riobama and Santa-Fe there is a restaurant that is always open.

Descent food and the pizza are great early in the morning after a hard nights mongering. Took me two years of shitty plastic wrapped sandwiches from kiosks before I found this place!

(There is also a Madelena one block closer to 9th July on Santa-fe that serves food 24/7, I have never tried it since I never had problem with the one by Riobama.)

Stranger

[Stranger]

DR-girls, never!

Para-girls, always!

Argi-girls, normaly good to go.

Brazilian-girls, often as good as Para-girls.

Peru-girls, some are hotter than you would expect.

Bolivian-girls, you are kidding, right?

Stranger

[Stranger]

Chose a chica that know your good sides, tell her you are drunk and that you might be an asshole later.

When a girl that fuck for a living are making to much noise and you think she is overdoing the faking, don't tell her if you are drunk and might be an asshole, she might actually be enjoying whatever you are doing and get very upset and leave and you can never see her again.

Unless this is a chica that know your good sides and you already told her earlier the night that you might be an asshole later.


Stranger

[Stranger]

If you walk in the middle of the road early in the morning in very, VERY weird area because you and your wingman decided it was a great idea to let a taxi driver take you to a 'nice club' after Croco closed just to see how bad it could get (and maybe even looking for a fight) , don't be to enthusiastic when you chew.

In the morning when you remember nothing from last night and see the big bloody mess on your tongue; talk to your wingman before you open your 'mongering-kit' or you start contemplating suicide.

Stranger

[Stranger]

Cliff: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

("Cheers")

[Gato Hunter]

When your favorita that your barebacking starts her period on your farewell fuck its a good thing. When she sounds bummed out that she is not prego and you tell her that you have a vasectomy its an even better thing!

[Gato Hunter]

When you go to a pole dance party do not forget rubbers.

Your welcome who ever it was last night jaja!

[Lucas90]

I'm in the minor league compared to most of you guys, but anyone new to the bar / boliche scene might find this useful. I've broken pretty much all of these rules at some time or another and usually lived to regret it! Nothing new or original here – you will find most of these scattered around elsewhere on AP.

1. Patience is the name of the game. Don't fall for the first chica who comes & grabs you. Chances are she's the one that nobody else would pick. Take time to look around, keep moving and watch the girls when they are not watching you. Avoid the moody and miserable looking ones. Look for the body language and home in on the chicas who look lively and confident. A girl who smiles and gets on well with the other chicas and waiters is a sound bet.

2. Be wise to the chica grapevine (#1). Once your face is known at a bar or club, you can be sure that the girls you've been with are comparing notes on how well or badly you treated them. Treat them well and new ones will be keen to meet up with you. Treat them badly and you risk getting blanked.

3. Be wise to the chica grapevine (#2). Decide a realistic baseline price for a particular venue, and try to stick to it. Word soon gets round if you are negotiating a different price with each new girl. You will end up with all of them insisting on the highest figure.

4. Sign up some allies. It helps to get the bar staff, waiters and doormen on side, if you're planning to visit regularly. At minimum you should get better service and at best you'll get waved through or get answers if you need some information about a girl. Enlist a wingman if you haven't been to a club before and aren't sure of its reputation.

5. Big head must rule the little head. However good she looks, if there's no spark or chemistry between you after you've been chatting for 5 minutes, forget it. Things will only go downhill from there. When you find one that's sending out the right signals, and you commit to the chica drink, use the time in the club like foreplay. By the time you both leave, she should have a very strong idea of what you like and what you find exciting about her. And you should be starting to feel excited and building on the chemistry that made you pick her in the first place.

6. Beware of distress purchases. If you don't see what you like, move on to another place. If it's the end of the night, save some money and sperm and come back next day. Beer goggles can wear off when you get down to the real business. Nothing worse than spending a lot of cash, then half way through the act, realising that you don't really fancy the chica after all.

7. The standing up rule. Unless you're not fussed about height and body shape, don't commit to a chica you've only seen sitting on a barstool. When she gets up, you may get quite a surprise. Also, unless you like shy girls and subdued lighting, look for a chica who's confident about her body and happy with showing it off.

8. Care with threesomes. These work best if you genuinely can't decide which of the two chicas you'd most like to fuck. Otherwise you'll end up concentrating on just one of them and waste your money. Best tactic is to get a chica you know to point out a few of her friends who might be up for it. Picking two that don't know or don't much like each other can be a bad recipe however hot they look.

9. The 'test drive' rule. Unless you're very sure or she's been recommended, it's wise to test drive any brand new chica at the telo (love motel). Stroppy girls in your apartment or hotel room are bad news. The BA telos are good places, unlike some of the shitholes you get in Europe.

10. Repeats can be more fun. For us mongers the first time can be the most exciting, but many chicas only start to warm up second third or fourth time round. Don't write off a chica who shows promise but didn't quite deliver first time out. Get her number and arrange to meet her away from the club.

11. Prepare ahead of time. If you are planning to bring a new girl back to your apartment or room, do the prep work before you set off. Valuables in the safe. If in doubt, don't leave it out. Stock up beforehand but don't leave the key to the minibar on show. When you both arrive and you head for the bathroom, don't leave your wallet in the pocket of the jeans you've just thrown off by the bed.

12. Be a gentleman. Try to please, in and out of the sack. It may not cut any ice with harder edged American or Northern European girls, but BA chicas appreciate a 'caballero' with a gentler touch. Walk the girl back to the club or her car when you leave the telo. Give a taxi tip, unless she really failed to perform. If it's late at night when she leaves your apartment, walk with her to a cab and hand her the tip when she gets in.

13. Learn some Spanish. Not having any is like going into a fight with your hands tied, at least in the boliche scene.

Most of all though, enjoy this great city and the beautiful women who live here.

[Member #4112]

This has been discussed before but should be mentioned again:

Any gift given to a chica depreciates to a value of $0 the moment it passes from the mongers hand to the chica's

[Gato Hunter]

You know when you have spent enough money in a club when they are giving YOU free drinks.

[Member #3320]

Sex in Privados.

I know it's not the cup of tea for many people. However, I had my best fucks in BA in Privados.

Some rules for Privados :-

1. The best looking chicks in Privados work between 11 am to 6 pm.

2. The privado chicks are freshest with most energy at 11 am. 1130 am.

3. If you return to a privado regularly, the manager of privado starts recognizing you, which works in your favor.

4. Being in good books of the manager of a privado, goes a long way. You can expect genuine recommendations from her regarding which girl to take.

5. If you end up with a bad fuck in a privado : and you are a regular customer, you may get another fuck free of cost or even a reimbursement. BA is the only city in the world where I have got reimbursement 5-6 times over 4-5 years after a bad fuck, because the manager knew you are a regular.

6. Some of the best fucks in Privados are available in the low priced Privados. You can get almost anything with propina. However, chances of catching a infection is also high in such Privados.

7 Do not splurge money in high end Privados just for a jacuzzi. If you have money to burn, go for independent girls and not high end Privados. Medium end Privados are great.

8 chicks in Privados are generally forbidden to share phone numbers. However, with friendly attitude and perhaps a repeat fuck, most will give the phone no. Sky is the limit if they meet you outside of the privado. My black book has numbers of 4-5 such girls whom I first met in a privado. Now they don't work as a working girl anymore. However, I still manage to meet them because of consistent communication with them over a long period and winning trust.

9. If you are wooing one particular in a privado. Do not go and try to fuck other girls in the same privado. News will carry to her in no time.

10. Most privado chicks do not allow photos. However, with a friendly demeanor, this may be achieved as well.

More to follow.

[Rocky2]

If one of your stalkers is 5 months pregnant and you did not fuck her BB for 7 month's, life is good!

Stranger

And she told you that "You were the only one"

[Stranger]

If one of your stalkers is 5 months pregnant and you did not fuck her BB for 7 month's, life is good!

Stranger

[Gato Hunter]

You know it's a hard night in in buenos aires when the looser between you and your wingman gets the threesome.

[Gato Hunter]

Its a really good idea after the first round to get rid of the other girl. Then put chica number one on the stripper pole to make her feel wanted again.

Breaking in a chica on her first threesome is a task that is not for the normal monger. Paving the way for other mongers is not an easy task.