Spanish S.O.S

[Dickhead]

Your potato could have 47 assholes, but your pope could also have 47 assholes (el papa vs. la papa). Maybe that would be the College of Cardinals?

[Don B]

This is true, Spanish has variations across different countries and even within the same country in different regions. Also in some places, structures that are grammatically incorrect are widely accepted and used so it can get tricky.

One cold night in Toronto one of my Canadian reps took me to a Colombian restaurant. He was born in Spain, grew up in Venezuela, went to school in the US and then became a Canadian citizen. It was a slow night at the restaurant so the owner, a Colombian woman, and my rep engaged in a conversation in Spanish. At one point they burst into laughter and asked what was so funny. He said "she asked me where I learned Spanish and I said Spain".

Don B.

[DavieW]

There's a meme of a Will Ferrell tweet doing the rounds at the moment which I thought was quite amusing:

"Mi papá tiene 47 años. My father is 47 years old.

Mi papa tiene 47 anos. My potato has 47 assholes.

I love Spanish! "

[Dickhead]

Oh, it's true, Daddy. I remember one time that nasty chick from Exedra that always wore the cowboy hat said that to me after I introduced myself, assuming I would not know what it meant. Of course, I did. What a skank.

[Dickhead]

Yeah, like in Bolivia they never use the preterite. I've noticed that Argies seldom use the future tense, only the ir + infinitive construction. Also in Argentina and some other parts of South America, where a Spaniard would use a perfect tense (no has comido nada), the South American uses the preterite (no comiste nada). Argies say dale dale dale all the time while Spaniards say vale vale vale all the time. The clearest and easiest to understand Spanish I have heard (I have been to all the Spanish-speaking countries in South America, México, Puerto Rico, Costa Rica, Panamá, and Spain) was in Colombia. You could take an Argie and drop them in Puerto Rico and they would not be able understand a damn thing and most likely vice versa. They swallow all their esses and then to make up for that, they put unneeded and incorrect esses at the end of other words (pusistes, volvistes, etc).

[Daddy Rulz]

Hahahahaah. Good question. Argie women will say "tengo visita de Andres" Rhymed with: "viene una vez por mes". I have Andres visiting, he comes once a month. So usually just mentioning "Andres" is enough.

Because some of us know an Andres. If this is true Aqualung (and I have no doubt it is) why in the world would anybody ever name a boy child Andres here? I used to think chicas were telling me they were being faithful to one of our brother on this board. LOL

[Nikki]

Thanks. I used otorgar because that is what the Argie who told me the joke used. I know it means like 'grant' in English. I figured it was used to imply that she was doing the guy a big favor or something. Honda and onda, I know the difference but I screw that up a lot. 'Le' vs. 'lo' is a problem for me because the difference is regional; in Spain they use 'le' where in other places they use 'lo'. But I need to remember that when you have the redundant construction it is 'le.' And then to complicate matters there are verbs where you have to use 'le' when you would otherwise use 'lo,' like 'mandar' and several others. I'm trying to speak a more generic Spanish but I learned bits and pieces in so many places, it is pretty challenging. Le and lo, I don't think I will ever get that quite right, especially since 'right' depends on where you are!

This is true, Spanish has variations across different countries and even within the same country in different regions. Also in some places, structures that are grammatically incorrect are widely accepted and used so it can get tricky.

[Dickhead]

Thanks. I used otorgar because that is what the Argie who told me the joke used. I know it means like 'grant' in English. I figured it was used to imply that she was doing the guy a big favor or something. Honda and onda, I know the difference but I screw that up a lot. 'Le' vs. 'lo' is a problem for me because the difference is regional; in Spain they use 'le' where in other places they use 'lo'. But I need to remember that when you have the redundant construction it is 'le.' And then to complicate matters there are verbs where you have to use 'le' when you would otherwise use 'lo,' like 'mandar' and several others. I'm trying to speak a more generic Spanish but I learned bits and pieces in so many places, it is pretty challenging. Le and lo, I don't think I will ever get that quite right, especially since 'right' depends on where you are!

[Nikki]

Another very common mistake is using "HONDA" which means"SLING" (or a Jap motorbike) instead of "ONDA" which means wave. ¿QUE ONDA? Could be translated as "What's up?" while (¿Que Honda?) would mean What sling or what motorbike?

Well, this is correct, however as the " h " is mute in Spanish, when talking you won't notice any difference. I have the feeling that few guys on the board write letters to the girls heheheh.

[Nikki]

Nikki..

I appreciate your offering to education us on the language and customs of Argentina.

There is one delicate subject that I have encountered and that's when a woman is having her menstrual period. If she says "período de menstruacion" or something similar, I can usually figure it out. It's when they use colloquial or idiomatic words or phrases to tell me that it's their menstrual period that things get confusing for me. So what colloquial or idiomatic words or phrases will an Argentinean women use to tell you that it's her menstrual period. For example, in the US, a woman would say "Aunt Flo is visiting.

Oh yes, most woman would not refer as it as her menstruation or menstrual period (mainly doctors would say that).

They would say:

Estoy con Andres.

Estoy indispuesta.

Estoy en " esos dias ".

Estoy con el periodo.

Those are the most common ways to refer to the menstrual period in Argentina.

As for Estoy con Andres, it comes from " Andres, el que viene una vez por mes " (I am with Andrew, he who comes once a month) Now I hope your chica is not actually with some guy called Andres hehehhe.

[Aqualung]

Nikki..

I appreciate your offering to education us on the language and customs of Argentina.

There is one delicate subject that I have encountered and that's when a woman is having her menstrual period. If she says "período de menstruacion" or something similar, I can usually figure it out. It's when they use colloquial or idiomatic words or phrases to tell me that it's their menstrual period that things get confusing for me. So what colloquial or idiomatic words or phrases will an Argentinean women use to tell you that it's her menstrual period. For example, in the US, a woman would say "Aunt Flo is visiting.

Hahahahaah. Good question. Argie women will say "tengo visita de Andres" Rhymed with: "viene una vez por mes". I have Andres visiting, he comes once a month. So usually just mentioning "Andres" is enough.

[Yujin]

Nikki..

I appreciate your offering to education us on the language and customs of Argentina.

There is one delicate subject that I have encountered and that's when a woman is having her menstrual period. If she says "período de menstruacion" or something similar, I can usually figure it out. It's when they use colloquial or idiomatic words or phrases to tell me that it's their menstrual period that things get confusing for me. So what colloquial or idiomatic words or phrases will an Argentinean women use to tell you that it's her menstrual period. For example, in the US, a woman would say "Aunt Flo is visiting.

[Aqualung]

Dick, there are two mistakes in this example. 1st is "otorgar" instead of "dar". Otorgar has a more legal meaning while Dar is just that: "GIVE". Second, you still have problems with LE and LO. "Lo otorgue a mi novio una chupadita" in Argentine Spanish would be "Le di a mi novio una chupadita". "LO" is a direct object while the indirect object you want to use here is "LE".

El calcetín (la media) y el pene estaban charlando y el pene preguntó al calcetín: 'Che qué honda ¿cómo andan tus cosas?'

El calcetín contestó: 'Como siempre: me mete en la mañana, todo el día estoy bien apretado en el calzado hasta me saca en la noche.'

El pene respondió: 'Mi situación es distinta. Todo el día cuelgo suelto pero en la noche me mete me saca me mete me saca ...'

Another very common mistake is using "HONDA" which means"SLING" (or a Jap motorbike) instead of "ONDA" which means wave. ¿QUE ONDA? Could be translated as "What's up?" while (¿Que Honda?) would mean What sling or what motorbike?

[Aqualung]

El sacerdote está escuchando a los jovenes mientras se confiesan y de repente tiene que mear. Para no interrumpir a la sesión, él agarra al portero y le manda sustituirse por un ratitito. El portero hace buen trabajo por la mayoría, balbuceando algunos castigos y todo esto. Pero en seguida entra una adolescente que confiesa que: 'Padre, lo otorgué a mi novio una chupadita.' Semejantes cosas siendo fuera de su experiencia, el portero pide a la joven que lo espere y sale rápido en busco de consejo. Encontrando a un monaguillo, lo pregunta '¿Sabés qué da el sacerdote por una chupadita?'

El monaguillo responde: 'Diez pesitos y un alfajor.'

Try running that fucker through your Google translator!

Dick, there are two mistakes in this example. 1st is "otorgar" instead of "dar". Otorgar has a more legal meaning while Dar is just that: "GIVE". Second, you still have problems with LE and LO. "Lo otorgue a mi novio una chupadita" in Argentine Spanish would be "Le di a mi novio una chupadita". "LO" is a direct object while the indirect object you want to use here is "LE".

[Dickhead]

El sacerdote está escuchando a los jovenes mientras se confiesan y de repente tiene que mear. Para no interrumpir a la sesión, él agarra al portero y le manda sustituirse por un ratitito. El portero hace buen trabajo por la mayoría, balbuceando algunos castigos y todo esto. Pero en seguida entra una adolescente que confiesa que: 'Padre, lo otorgué a mi novio una chupadita.' Semejantes cosas siendo fuera de su experiencia, el portero pide a la joven que lo espere y sale rápido en busco de consejo. Encontrando a un monaguillo, lo pregunta '¿Sabés qué da el sacerdote por una chupadita?'

El monaguillo responde: 'Diez pesitos y un alfajor.'

Try running that fucker through your Google translator!